Come to the fire, little girl, to the fire;
Come to the fire, here to learn.
Come to the fire, little girl, to the fire,
You've so much to hear before time comes to burn.

For you'll be a princess, your tower will be tall,
And they'll lock all the doors when they go,
But they'll leave you a window, it's your choice to fall
To the thorn briers waiting below...

Come to the fire, fallen girl, to the fire;
Come to the fire, here to learn.
Come to the fire, fallen girl, to the fire,
You've so much to hear before time comes to burn.

For you'll be a victim, the witches demand
Days of wild revelry and the night
Will be filled with the sacraments witches command,
'Til you find your way back to the light...

Come to the fire, wicked girl, to the fire;
Come to the fire, here to teach.
Come to the fire, wicked girl, to the fire,
They've so much to hear and it's your turn to teach.

It's July. It's July in California, the state where the only seasons are "wet," "dry," and "actually on fire." So why, can anyone tell me, am I wearing a sweater and running a space heater more often than not? It's like my state—never a paragon of sanity to begin with—has completely taken leave of what few senses it had to start with, and I am not even a little bit amused. Bring on the summer! I want tomatoes and nectarines and basking alligator lizards, dammit!

At least we're getting the annual tarantula invasion, as the spidery little darlings come down off Mt. Diablo and spider their way around the city, checking things out before hiking back up the mountain to get laid and eaten, in that order. It wouldn't be July without the occasional random tarantula.

I managed to score the last pass to a free screening of (500) Days of Summer at the comic book store on Wednesday, and hauled my mother along to indulge me in my utter adoration of Zooey Deschanel. Mom wasn't aware that they actually did things like that (free advance movie screenings), and was totally enchanted. I think it's more the "free movie" than the "sneak preview," but that's because I'm a geek and she's not. Sometimes we just see that more clearly than others.

In other summertime news, I'm getting ready for the San Diego International Comic Convention, where I'll be rooming with Jeanne and Rebecca (Rae ditched us, but we love her anyway) and actually working the convention as an attending professional. Behold my total and crippling terror! It doesn't help that both my publishers will be there, so I'm going to have to be on my best Disney Halloweentown Princess behavior. I mean, really. Where am I going to find the time to crawl through the many, many booths looking for horror swag? I ask you.

So in summary, the weather is broken, the spiders are large, my mother is amusing, and the convention season is upon us. Woe.

What's up with y'all?

Hello, and welcome to the eighth and final batch of poems written for round twelve of Iron Poet, the game where you give me three words and then go off to do something else while I slog through the roughly thirty thousand requests to give you a poem. Okay, not really, but sometimes it can feel that way. After a great deal of soul-searching, I have come to the conclusion that this will be the last round for the foreseeable future. It's been incredibly fun, and very rewarding, but I just don't have the time for it right now. I hope to start again sometime in the future.

The final batch of poems includes:

* Grumpy Reflections On Human Nature for jcw_da_dmg. (Rhyming verse.)
* Count the Quarters for mnemex. (Jumprope poem.)
* But Today for vixyish. (Free verse.)
* Pumpkin Heart for marinarusalka. (Sestina.)
* Never, Never Land for wyld_dandelyon. (Free verse.)
* My Love (The Thunder's Prayer) for ladyaraia.
* Swallowtail Lady for tigertoy. (Rhyming verse.)
* Now Claim This Floor for sweetmusic_27. (Lipogram.)
* The Turtle for tanuki_green. (Triolet.)
* Midway Moments for nimitzbrood. (Free verse.)
* Signpost for dimloep_suum. (Free verse.)
* Rock-and-Roll Ebola for copperwise. (Song form.)
* Fare-Thee-Well for labelleizzy. (Rhyming verse.)
* The Ripper's Seduction for timba. (Rhyming verse.)
* Riddle for eevieivy. (Rhyming verse.)
* Lakefront Regrets for jerusha. (Pantoum.)
* Gardener for djbp. (Free verse.)
* Sailboat for sibylle. (Rhyming verse.)
* Nothing at All for angilong. (Rhyming verse.)
* The Fair! for satansplaything. (Ovillejo.)
* Merlin's Roses for pola_bear. (Free verse.)
* Butterfly Souls for liralen. (Quatrain.)
* Prayer For a Pirate's Child for vaspider.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you, and good-night.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Everyone wants an extra piece of you these days, and they don't necessarily care about how it will affect you. So beware of emotional manipulation, subliminal seduction, and the temptation to believe in impossible promises. To make matters more extreme, I suspect you may be secretly pleased that everyone wants an extra piece of you—and might be tempted to conspire in your own dismantling. Let me propose a compromise. How about letting three trustworthy people—no more—take an extra piece of you? And be very certain that they have enough self-control to know when to stop taking.

It is difficult to express in words how very, very, very true this is right now. Very true. Dear gods, very true.

Tired cat is tired.

It must be nice to be the guy who designs the new flavors of M&M, since clearly "does it taste good?" is no longer a criteria. Neither is "does it connect in any way with the thing that it's supposed to be connected to?" This was not always the case. I mean, when they did the Star Wars M&Ms, they brought out dark chocolate and white chocolate varieties, which made a lot of sense and was quite clever. When they did the Curse of the Black Pearl M&Ms, they colored them to look like pirate treasure, and again, did the white chocolate variety. Even the Shrek II M&Ms were in shades of green and brown, and made slightly larger than your average little chunk of crunchy-shelled chocolate.

The Indiana Jones M&Ms required a bit too much thinking outside the box for me. Mint crunch? Um. Were they supposed to be mojito M&Ms and Marian served mojitos at the bar back in the first movie (although I don't know where she'd get the mint)? Herbal snakebite poultice M&Ms? Maybe the crunch part was somehow supposed to evoke crumbling Aztec ruins? I don't know. It stopped bothering me pretty quickly, though, because they were really, really tasty.

The time has come, once again, for a new variety of M&M to rise. And I pray to all that is holy that someone shoves a stake through the bag real soon now, because they come near me again.

Strawberry peanut butter M&Ms.

Strawberry peanut butter "this is a tie-in with Transformers 2" M&Ms.

...what? What is it about giant robots that says "mmmmm, strawberries and peanut butter"? Seriously, I am not seeing the connection. Maybe to go with Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs...but no, M&Ms are supposed to be either butch or sexy, so as to attract the difficult-to-woo teenage audience. If you make M&Ms too "cute," all those kids who grew up sucking them down like goldfish suck down fish flakes will abandon them in favor of macho, adult candy like Snickers and 3 Musketeers. Clearly, this means you need to dress the M&Ms mascot guys like giant robots and associate them with a flavor that makes no sense. That's the ticket!

Because I am infinitely curious and believe in suffering for your sins, I bought a bag of strawberry peanut butter M&Ms. Because I am not stupid and believe that if I'm going to suffer, you're going to suffer with me, I promptly started feeding them to people. You're welcome.

These are the Skullcrusher Mountain of the M&M. You like strawberries. You like peanut butter. Maybe you don't like monsters so much. Maybe I used too many horrific chemicals you can't pronounce and probably shouldn't be eating unless you want to glow. Isn't it enough to know that I ruined an M&M making a gift for you?

No. No, it is not enough. It is so not enough. Crunching down on a strawberry peanut butter M&M is like biting into a piece of experimental Easter candy that should never have been, with the extra added bonus of the strawberry layer—in addition to having a chemical aftertaste that will not go away no matter what you do—starting to burn if you eat more than one or two at a time. Even the small children I've attempted to feed these to have looked at me like I was the ultimate proof that sometimes adults with candy want to hurt you.

If the strawberry peanut butter M&M is a Decepticon plot, it's a good one. And if it's not, I want to know who I'm force-feeding a pound of these things to.

She was wearing a jumpsuit with silver sequins;
Her platform shoes were just as high as the moon.
She hit the ER door about ninety miles a minute,
Crying, "Doc, you gotta help me soon.

I've been leaning on the radio dial.
Don't find nothing that can make me smile.
All I'm hearing is noise
That don't bring me any joys,
Doc you gotta help me find the tune,"

And he said, "Girl there's not a thing I can do,
You're asking me to bring back what's been killed by the flu—

        Because rock-and-roll Ebola killed your disco fever,
        Heavy-metal fever killed your country cold.
        Now you need vaccination and I'm a believer
        Very little music stands a shot at getting old...

        There's always something new on the wire,
        Infecting, setting off a new fire.
        Rock-and-roll Ebola killed your disco fever.
        I'm sorry, baby-doll, but it's true."

( She was festive and sweet in her disco threads... )

Written for the current round of Iron Poet.

This was co-written with Brooke Lunderville, who loves me. Because sometimes, your cranky just needs to come out in lyric form.

***

I would like it if you would die in a fire
It's the only thing to which you should aspire.
Your horrible demise
Would bring such wonder to my eyes.
I would like it if you would die in a fire.

You are using up more air than you are worth.
You are occupying precious space upon the Planet Earth
And if you should die today,
I would shout out, "Oh, hooray!"
You are using up more air than you are worth.

        If you're starting to believe that I don't like you...
        Well, you're right.

( I would like it if you would die in a fire... )

...and because I bow easily to peer pressure, I give you:

Obey the Boobies T-shirts.

Thank the ever-lovin' taraoshea for the graphics, because she is made of awesome, wonderful, and win. Also, one of us is real weird, here, folks.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows," said journalist Sydney J. Harris. That would be an excellent motto for you to live by in the coming weeks, Capricorn. Whether or not you're enrolled in school, you're in a phase when your capacity for attracting learning experiences is at a peak. To take maximum advantage of the cosmic tendencies, all you have to do is cultivate a hungry curiosity for fresh teachings and life lessons -- especially those that shift you away from gazing at your own reflection and toward peering out at the mysteries of the world.

I believe I speak for all of us when I say...

OH, GOD, NOT ANOTHER LEARNING EXPERIENCE.

My brain is full. Please, can I just go home?

First, the strip:

With Friends Like These... #90: Books-A-Million.

Second, the footnotes:

Most of this strip was drawn at DucKon, thus proving, again, that I do not believe in the weird myth of "downtime" to which so many humans seem to ascribe. Panel inhabitants are, naturally, me (advertising myself), Vixy (buyin' books), Kate (writin' reviews), and Amy (bein' a billboard).

I am far too easily amused.

10. Alice—short for Alice Price-Healy Little Liddel Abernathy McGuire—is six months old today, finally making the transition from "age measured in weeks" to "age measured in months." (This is followed by "age measured in years," but I try not to think about that too hard. It makes my brain make a funny and unappealing noise.) She continues to be large, sweet, puffy, charming, clever, strange, and altogether wonderful. Lilly adores her. My cats are happy, and that's all I really need.

9. With DucKon in the rearview mirror, I'm looking forward to the San Diego International Comic Convention, which I'll be attending this year as a professional for the very first time. I'm terrified and elated and conflicted and confused and paralyzed with the amazing awesome of it all. My publisher is on the East Coast. I don't think they really understand what it means to a West Coast author to be told "oh, your debutant ball will be at Geek Prom." I may weep with the amazing of it all.

8. I have a hula hoop! It is multi-colored and snap-together and weighs five pounds, because it's a beginners fitness hoop. If I can hoop for six weeks without causing myself injury or managing to do myself a mischief in the woods, I can move up to the larger intermediate fitness hoop, and also get myself a collapsible to take with me to conventions. It may sound silly, but the hula hoop is actually amazingly good for core strength and the lower back, both of which I need to have as healthy as possible. Plus, it'll be great in airport waiting areas.

7. Thanks to some good timing, good luck, and good karma, I've managed to luck into a pair of Wicked tickets for this Sunday's matinee, and will be taking my mother to see the show. The fact that I didn't take her the last time it came through has been a thing in my family for years now. She's absolutely over-the-moon excited, and I'm pretty happy myself. I love Stephen Schwartz.

6. Jean Grey is still dead, Illyana Rasputin is alive again, the Stepford Cuckoos are still awesome, and Emma Frost is still blonde. Did I mention that they're basically writing all the X-Books for me these days?

5. The summer showed up yesterday, after dilly-dallying around for almost two months, and slammed down on Concord like a micro-filament net being dropped on a rampaging cryptid. It is now perfect weather for hiking, picnics, playing on the swings, walking to San Ramon, and yes, standing in my driveway playing with my hula hoop. I find it difficult to object to any of these things.

4. Zombies are still love.

3. At DucKon, as my Guest of Honor gift, they gave me a chainsaw. They gave me a chainsaw. A specially-commissioned soft-sculpture chainsaw based off my "My Little Chainsaw" icon. It's pink. It makes a noise. The noise is the sound of me controlling the universe. I love it like burning.

2. It is currently the height of cherry season in California, and the Ranier cherries are approximately the size of a fifty cent piece (and ten times as tasty). They basically explode inside my mouth with juicy, glorious deliciousness, and they're dirt-cheap at the farmer's markets. It's so hard to be me sometimes, I swear.

1. Brooke and John's new album has arrived, and Brooke has them, and they're incredibly deliciously awesome, and they recorded "Rosemary and Rue," thus marking the release of the first-ever recorded Toby filk. Life is good.

What's new and awesome in the world of you?

It looks like I will be having a book release party at the Ohio Valley Filk Festival. Yay! I've been asked what food I'm planning to have there, for the standard "are you bringing it in/are you giving us money and asking us to shop for you" lay-down, so I put it to you, the floor:

What should we be serving? My budget is limited, so please be sane, and stick to things like "tasty cake" and "candy corn."

The goddess of life, clad all in green,
Walked along the shore,
And her sister in black strode along at her side,
And told her of the war,

How they had named her as the queen,
And fought to serve her name.
How brave men had fought, and how brave men had died,
How she was all to blame—

        For more have died in serving life
        Than ever death demands.
        Before you reach to claim the knife,
        Ask which one guides your hands.

The goddess of life, with hair of gold,
Roamed beside the sea,
And her sister in black begged for cease-fire and peace,
For grace and sanity,

Said death had more than it could hold,
Said life must do its share.
The goddess in green did not offer surcease,
Nor did she seem to care—

        For more have died in serving life
        Than ever death demands.
        Before you reach to claim the knife,
        Ask which one guides your hands.

The goddess of life, with eyes like fire,
Roamed in ecstasy,
And her sister in black whom no brave man will serve
Followed sorrowfully,

For death and life are like desire,
Forever intertwined,
And not even a goddess gets what she deserves
There by the sounding sea—

        For more have died in serving life
        Than ever death demands.
        Before you reach to claim the knife,
        Ask which one guides your hands.

As has basically become the tradition around here, I present the set list for my latest concert. Complete with annotation and lyric links. Because I'm kind like that.

The DucKon set list, with arrangement notes, was as follows:

1. "I Am." (Seanan, lead vocals; Tony Fabris, guitar.)
2. "Counting Crows." (Seanan, lead vocals; Michelle 'Vixy' Dockrey, backing vocals; Tony, guitar; Amy McNally, electric fiddle.)
3. "Fox Hunt." (Seanan, lead vocals; Vixy, backing vocals; Tony, guitar; Amy, acoustic fiddle.)
4. "Mama Said." (Seanan, lead vocals; Vixy, backing vocals; Tony, guitar; Amy, acoustic fiddle.)
5. "Take Advantage (of Me)." (Seanan, lead vocals; Vixy, backing vocals; Tony, guitar.)
6. "In This Sea." (Seanan, Vixy, lead vocals; Tony, guitar; Amy, fiddle.)
7. "Oh, Michelle." (Seanan, lead vocals; Vixy, backing vocals; Tony, guitar; Amy, fiddle; Brooke Lunderville, BANJO!)
8. "What A Woman's For." (Seanan, Vixy, Amy, lead vocals; Tony, guitar.)
9. "The Black Death." (Seanan, epidemiology; Vixy, Amy, lab assistants; Tony, guitar.)
10. "Dear Gina." (Seanan, lead vocals; Vixy, backing vocals; Tony, guitar.)
11. "Carnival Glass." (Seanan, lead vocals; Vixy, backing vocals; Tony, guitar; Amy, fiddle.)
12. "Evil Laugh." (Seanan, lead vocals; Vixy, Amy, primordial ooohs; Tony, guitar; Brooke, banjo.)
13. "Tanglewood Tree." (Seanan, Vixy, lead vocals; Tony, guitar; Amy, fiddle.)
14. "Sycamore Tree." (Seanan, Vixy, Tony, lead vocals; Tony, guitar.)
15. "Wicked Girls." (Seanan, Vixy, lead vocals; SJ Tucker, backing vocals; Tony, guitar; Amy, acoustic fiddle; SJ Tucker, djembe.)

Fortunately, we'd prepared an encore. So I also give you...

16. "Still Catch the Tide." (Seanan, lead vocals; Vixy, backing vocals; Tony, guitar; Amy, acoustic fiddle; SJ Tucker, djembe.)

Almost all arrangements were done in that bizarre, organic, 'how does this sound?' sort of way, but it's important to note that the chords for "I Am," "Counting Crows," "Fox Hunt," "Mama Said," "Take Advantage," "Oh, Michelle," "The Black Death" and "Dear Gina" were originally worked out by Paul Kwinn, before being tinkered with by Tony Fabris and Jeff Bohnhoff (depending on the song). "In This Sea" and "Wicked Girls" were chorded by Kristoph Klover. "Evil Laugh" was chorded by Tony Fabris.

"Tanglewood Tree" was written by Dave Carter. "Still Catch the Tide" was written by Talis Kimberley.

As always: "I Am" is on Pretty Little Dead Girl. "Take Advantage (of Me)," "In This Sea," "Evil Laugh," and "Still Catch the Tide" are on Stars Fall Home. "Sycamore Tree" is on Stars Fall Home (studio) and Pretty Little Dead Girl (live). "Oh, Michelle," "What A Woman's For," "The Black Death," and "Dear Gina" are on Red Roses and Dead Things.

"Tanglewood Tree" appears on Tanglewood Tree, by Dave and Tracy, and on Abesailing for Beginners, by Playing Rapunzel.

It was a good show.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Maybe it's time you did something in return for all the free advice I give you. From a karmic perspective it might not be healthy for you to continue to take, take, take while never giving back. So this week, for a change, how about if you compose an oracle for me? Or send me a nice present -- nothing big or expensive, just a thoughtful token. JUST KIDDING! The truth is, I don't care if you ever express your appreciation. You give me a momentous gift simply by caring enough to read my words. Being able to speak with you so intimately has made me a better and smarter person. Now I suggest you do what I just did: Acknowledge how much the receivers of your gifts do for you.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

I realize I'm not currently posting as much as I have in the past; I'm being pulled in about nine hundred directions (most of which y'all have seen me flailing about like a decapitated squid), and it's causing things to fall off my radar. That being said, you have no idea how much I genuinely appreciate you being here. There are days when I feel like one of the glowing little bitchy fairy girls from Peter Pan: I only continue to exist because people continue to believe that I do. I'm a Cheshire blonde, I'm a Disney Halloweentown Princess, and the reason I can be these things is the knowledge that there are people in the world who believe that I am those things. It's a merry-go-round of believing, and I am so lucky, and so honored, to have a ticket.

I periodically tell people that I'm out-numbered, but the fact is that we're all out-numbered, we're all facing a thousand thousand things competing for our attention every day. Knowing that you have chosen to give me those minutes, whether it be to read a poem, look at my book cover, watch me flail, or say "yes, we believe in fairies"...it changes things. It makes it possible for me to keep going. You are, collectively, my happy thought.

Thank you. I am honored that you're here.

I believe in fairies, too.

So I have managed to come home from DucKon (which was an absolute blast, and more about it later) with twelve chapbooks remaining in my possession. I am thus putting them up for sale here, because that's what I do. The details:

1. Each chapbook is hand-sewn, with a color cover by Beckett Gladney.
2. Each chapbook contains an assortment of my poetry and an introduction by Michelle "Vixy" Dockrey.
3. Each chapbook is $20, plus another $5 for shipping within the US (outside the US, we have to talk).

To request a chapbook (or hell, to request more than one), comment here; I'll confirm and we can work out payment details. Chapbooks are first-come, first-served; I just want to get them to good homes before Lilly hides them under the bed or something.

Whee.

ETA: All gone for now!

Now is the time of cookies for Coyote. Also pizza, candy, cake, and alcohol.

Please?

I just did Sweatin' to the Oldies 2 (yes, with Richard Simmons) from one end to the other without pausing the DVD, passing out, taking painkillers, or puking. This is something I haven't been able to do since my back got really bad...so, y'know. Fall of 2007.

I am so happy I could cry.

I have four art cards left to finish in the most recent batch. If I never heard back from you with details on what you wanted, you are not included in the batch; sorry about that. When these are done, I'm going to take a break and work on some comic strip and Toby-related art projects for a little while, to work the kinks out of my hands, and because it will amuse me (that really being the point of all this). I will, unfortunately, not have convention-specific art cards at DucKon. I may still at Comicon, but I don't know yet.

Just keeping people posted, since the four cards still pending have been paid for, which makes status a nice thing to give.

Those of you who've seen even my rough schedule for the remainder of the year will understand why this is an important announcement. So...

1. I am starting my slow descent into madness.

2. Please assume that from now until further notice, if I do not write something down, I will not remember it. Seriously. My to-do lists now include things like "pick up comic books" and "go to store for more tuna fish," because otherwise, these things do not happen. I have become a series of ticky boxes, all of them designed to allow me to function in polite society.

3. If I do write something down, it has become immutable and dependable, and I will expect it to happen. Please communicate changes of plan early and often, to keep me from going completely out of my mind.

4. I'm always somewhat laser-focused when under pressure; this is just getting worse (for obvious reasons). I am not ignoring you. I do not hate you. If you have my email, my phone number, or my IM handle, please feel free to check in with me, and please don't take silence as snubbing. The next eighty-nine days are blondie's crazy time, and things slip out of my field of view.

5. I'm going to need a lot of hugs.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In astrology, the word "quincunx" refers to a relationship characterized by creative tension. Two planets that are in quincunx are like two people who have a certain odd affinity for each other but don't speak the same language. Imagine an Italian woman and an American man meeting at a party and experiencing an immediate chemistry, even though each can barely understand what the other is saying. I bring this up, Capricorn, because these days you're in a quincunx dynamic with pretty much the whole world. To keep frustration to a minimum and enhance the excitement quotient, you should try to crack some of the foreign codes you're surrounded by.

...well, all right, then. Given that I spend a great deal of time baffled by the strange creatures around me and their wacky ways, this is somewhat disturbingly accurate. I suppose it's time to do some more work at learning to speak human. Weird things, humans. Maybe if I just look harmless and feed them, they won't eat me.

Come sit with me daughter,
Here down by the water,
Come sit, and I'll tell you the tale.
It's a story of thieving,
Of greed and of grieving,
Against which our tragedies pale.

For we'll each pay the penance for how we were made,
For the bright copper blood on the sharp silver blade,
Guilt is more than skin-deep; it's the blood, and the bone,
And the price we must pay for a crime not our own.

( Come sit with me daughter... )

So in 2005, I did a limited-edition chapbook for OVFF, when I was Toastmistress. They sold out in about two hours, and I've never seen them again (well, except for my copy, but my mother doesn't even have one).

This year, I did another limited-edition chapbook for Conflikt. Due to a variety of comic circumstances involving small children and hand-stitching books being really hard, they didn't all get finished in time for the con, and I'll be taking some with me to DucKon. Which, y'know, yay for DucKon, since the chapbooks are cool—hand-stitched, with color photography by Beckett Gladney on the cover—and will hopefully be massive collector's items someday. But I know that overlap between OVFF 2005 and Conflikt/DucKon isn't absolute. So...

1. Do I take all the chapbooks to DucKon, since they're limited and all, and say "sorry, Charlie" to people who couldn't make either convention?
2. Do I sell a certain number of them online, for the sake of people who can't make the con?
3. Do I claim I'll sell the leftovers online, even though I know damn well there won't be any?

Enlighten me, o world.

Title: Velveteen vs. Patrol.
Summary: What is there for a formerly retired superheroine who's managed to find herself in the state she was aiming for -- good -- and somehow thrust back into the public eye (bad) at the very same time? More importantly, now that she's in Oregon, what is there to do?

( The list of things Velma had conveniently forgotten during her years of self-imposed isolation from the superhero community was large, and the longer she spent staring at the paperwork required to get a permanent license in the state of Oregon, the longer that list became.... )

Hello, and welcome to the seventh batch of poems written for round twelve of Iron Poet, the game where you give me three words and then go off to do something else while I slog through the roughly thirty thousand requests to give you a poem. Okay, not really, but sometimes it can feel that way. Please note that some rounds of Iron Poet can take a very long time to finish—Iron Poet X ran from May 2006 to October 2007—so don't worry if your request seems to be taking a while; I get to them all eventually. It's just sometimes very eventual. I do poem round-ups every so often, to help keep people from missing anything.

Today's poems include:

* Silver Star for ginkage. (Rhyming verse.)
* A Jack's Lament for soberloki. (Iambic quatrains.)
* Jukebox Girl for palmer_kun. (Rhyming verse.)
* Threnody for wyldirishtric. (Structured rhyming verse.)
* Night for kitanzi. (Free verse.)
* Titania's Lullaby for faireblondie. (Rhyming verse.)
* Sweet Kathleen for hvideo. (Shel Silverstein verse.)
* Departure for stakebait. (Rhyming verse.)
* Morticia's Request On A Sunday Afternoon In July for ceosanna. (Silly rhyming verse.)
* On the Wind for roadnotes. (Sonnet.)
* Stardust for allie_meril. (Free verse.)
* Broken for veilofire. (Fairy tale girls.)
* A Message to NASA for elishabet. (Free verse.)
* Mission Statement for hms42. (Doggerel verse.)
* Just Saying for bercilakslady. (Free verse.)
* Song of the Left-Behind for joecoustic. (Rhyming verse.)
* La Belle Dame's Song for tarkrai. (Rhyming verse.)
* Of Evening for penprickle. (Sonnet.)
* Ghosts of the Future for exapno. (Free verse.)
* Roland in the Clearing for herefox. (Free verse.)

This round is CLOSED to new submissions. There is currently no estimate for when the next round may open.

And now...an art sale. This one includes both the now-customary selection of "With Friends Like These" strips and some other goodies from my files, largely because a) I want my desk back, b) it turns out that getting a kitten settled really is surprisingly expensive, and c) I'm getting serious dental work done. This takes funds.

All strips are black ink on 5x17" 150lb drawing board. I'm listing all strips which are currently available in any form, because, well...I can.

***

* #64: Jetlag Rules (New York III). ON HOLD: $40 + shipping.
* #67: Knock 'em Dead (New York V). Available: $40 + shipping.
* #69: Vapor Lock (New York VII). Available: $40 + shipping.
* #77: Waterfowl Foul. ON HOLD: $40 + shipping.
* #79: Everyone Is Somebody's Cat Toy. ON HOLD: $40 + shipping.
* #80: Rabid Reindeer. Available: $40 + shipping.
* #83: Christmas in Seattle 2008, Part I. Available: $40 + shipping.
* #84: Christmas in Seattle 2008, Part II. Available: $40 + shipping.
* #85: Christmas in Seattle 2008, Part III. Available: $40 + shipping.
* #88: Christmas in Seattle 2008, Part V. Available: $40 + shipping.

***

Please comment here to buy, and wait for my confirmation before sending money. I'll be doing a sale of Little Dead Girls later this week or early next week.

An angel of approaching thunder danced into my life
The day you said you'd take my hand, when you became my wife,
And the rain fell on the barren valleys deep within my heart
When you claimed me as your lightning-love, and swore we'd never part.

An angel of approaching thunder, herald of the storm,
Sound and strength and siren-song all given comely form,
And the rain you called to join us keeps me safe and keeps me whole,
For you've claimed me as your lightning-love, and I gave you my soul.

( Let the storm come down, let the rain begin to fall... )

I had a linear dream last night.

I hate my brain.

Come home from work, unlock the doors,
Take off your heels, begin your chores,
Keep remembering to put childish things aside.
Shake out the sheets and wash your hair,
And keep pretending you don't care
About the dreams and schemes and fairy tales that died.

Oh, but where is the girl who wished and wished
For a bone from the wall of the house of myths,
For a stone from the river that runs into the past?
Oh, where is the girl who dreamed and schemed,
Who was laughing even when she screamed...
Have daily demons buried her at last?

We are ghosts of who we used to be,
We are figments of our past.

( Come home at last, put down your day... )

1. landley, yes, I got the sponsorship check, thank you SO MUCH, and I'll deposit it just as soon as Alice gives it back.

2. The next Velveteen story, "vs. Patrol," is about halfway done. The story after that, "vs. Blacklight vs. Sin-dee" is outlined, and the story after that, "vs. the Blind Date," is just going to be painful to watch. Poor Vel.

3. Safe in their air conditioned paradise, my cats have no comprehension of the pain and suffering currently being experienced by the rest of my home town. If we have many more blackouts, they're going to learn. I'll let you know if Alice attempts to shave herself.

4. Castle and Fringe have been renewed! Cupid almost certainly won't be. Alas, Trevor, our time together still wasn't meant to be. Maybe someday...

5. The San Francisco Zoo is full of animals. And love. And interesting smells. And ice cream.

6. Somebody has posted one of my ARCs on eBay. I'm really not sure how to feel about this, except glad that I know I haven't sent any ARCs to the shipper's state, which means this isn't my fault. The urge to hiss, spit, and maybe bite is pretty high, but I'll be good.

7. I got a Baby Moondancer, complete with all her original accessories, for three dollars at a yard sale on Saturday. Weekend made entirely of win.

8. X-Men 2099 is now available in trade paperback. Why?

9. Zombies are still love.

10. The Counting Crows have announced their summer tour dates. I'm going to be heading home several hours early from the San Diego Comic Convention to see them at the Greek Theater. I remain an enormous geek.

What's new with you?

In the last ten minutes, Alice has proudly brought me...

...her squid on a stick.
...a paintbrush.
...a bra.
...my pumpkin blanket.
...my stuffed pumpkin.
...a fork.
...six DVDs.
...Lilly.

The last of these was also the most impressive, as she basically herded Lilly into my bedroom. Lilly is still (for the moment) the larger of my two cats; it was like watching a pigeon herd a seagull. A big, flightless seagull...and...um. I lost the metaphor. Suffice to say, the funny, it was had.

Alice really likes sacking out on the floor behind my chair, where the risk of running her over is at its highest possible point. (I've stepped on her a few times, but have yet to run her over. All hail spatial awareness!) She's now a sprawled puddle of blue, gray, white, and orange fluff, like the lint from the filter in Halloween's industrial-strength clothes dryer. Lilly is who-knows-where. Probably hiding from the crazy Maine Coon who thinks she's a Border Collie.

My cats. They're definitely an adventure. In what, I'm not quite so sure.

The first rule of survival
Is the first thing that you're taught:
Don't get careless, don't be clueless,
Don't get caught.

It may only take a second,
But a second's all you've got.
When you're careless, when you're clueless,
You get caught.

And there are no second chances,
And there are no second tries,
There aren't special circumstances
When death looks you in the eyes
And drags you down...
They can teach you how to run away.
They can't teach you how to drown.

( I was just one more statistic... )

1. Yeah, still scarce. I have found my limit, and my limit is sadly concrete. I'm posting semi-regularly at seanan_mcguire, largely because we've hit Book Promo Time (whee); the posting frequency there will go up as we approach actual publication. I'll try to keep things updated over here, too, but it's sort of like running uphill during an avalanche at this point; I fall down a lot and beg for the sweet surcease of death. Or ice cream.

2. Speaking of ice cream, I hate my new Weight Watchers meeting with a passion. A burning, burning, oh God you people are insane passion. I am so mad that they closed the Citrus Grove Center, where the people were sane. How mad? Mad enough to be giving genuine consideration to switching to the Saturday at 9:00 AM meeting, just because I might kill fewer people.

3. I'm currently running a poetry contest to win an ARC of Rosemary and Rue. Go ye forth and enter. It doesn't even have to be good poetry. Channel your inner Dr. Seuss, and rock the house.

4. I had my first physical therapy session yesterday, with a very friendly, very sadistic lady from Switzerland who seems intent on making Kate and I use each other as exercise equipment as much as humanly possible. When Kate starts talking about bench-pressing me, you'll all know exactly what she means. I, meanwhile, will be muttering about shallow ditches and lye.

5. My "When I Think Of Heaven..." iTunes play list consists entirely of different versions of "Rain King," all performed by the Counting Crows, across a span of approximately ten years. (I do not yet have them all. This song is my Pokemon.) I've been listening to it a lot lately. I find it...soothing. And soothed blondes just don't kill humanity.

What's new with you?

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "There are two things to aim at in life," wrote essayist Logan Pearsall Smith. "First to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second." You are currently in a position, however, to accomplish that magical second aim, Capricorn. More than ever before, you have the power to want what you actually have...to enjoy the fruits of your labors...to take your attention off the struggle so that you may fully love the experiences your struggle has earned you.

In short, now that I have jumped high, cheered loud, and looked pretty enough to finally make the squad, I should damn well wear my orange and green (and itty-bitty pleated skirt) with pride. Remember, sunshine, these are the best days of your life.

It's good to be a Fighting Pumpkin.

First, the strip:

With Friends Like These... #89: The Devil.

Second, the footnotes:

Quoth Betsy, "My favorite part is all the tails." Quoth Lilly, "She's gonna get how big?" Quoth Alice, "Ooooh, look, AIR!"

Maine Coons are awesome.

In the garden the goddess took root as a rose,
She donned golden petals as women don clothes,
And she swayed in the breezes that blew sweet and mild,
And she dreamed as a rose dreams, by summer beguiled.

In the garden the goddess took root and she grew,
And faced every sunrise as something so new,
And she bloomed in the sunlight, so glorious fair,
And no rose ever shone quite so radiant rare --

( The goddess in gold turned her face to the sky... )

First, the strip:

With Friends Like These... #88: Christmas in Seattle 2008, Part V.

Second, the footnotes:

So, um, yeah. Got really, really sick on New Year's Eve, didn't die, was rewarded for not dying with a Freakylinks marathon. I'll take my good things where I can get them.

I find it sort of fascinating that Vixy doesn't appear in this strip at all, given how much time I usually spend with her during a Seattle Christmas. On the other hand, she didn't catch my horrible bacterial infection, and I can't fault her for that. Stay healthy!

There may be one more strip in this series. I'm not sure yet. So I guess we'll all be surprised!

First, the strip:

With Friends Like These... #87: Christmas in Seattle 2008, Part IV.

Second, the footnotes:

I bet you thought I was never going to finish this trip, didn't you? (To be fair, at this point, I'm not going to "finish" the trip. I'm just going to finish the strips I already had lain out, and start generating new strips again. Because wow, has it been too long.) This strip features several fun cameos (fun for me to draw, anyway). Namely...

* Tony's guitar. I love drawing Tony playing! And that basically was our configuration while rehearsing "Wicked Girls."
* Fishy's butternut squash. Oh my god he won my heart forever with maple and butter goodness.
* The Garcia family! I've drawn Alisa and Luis before, but this was a first shot at the kids.
* BACON SHIRT! Amy doesn't own that shirt. But she should.

I feel so accomplished now.

Good: got three BRAND NEW "With Friends Like These..." strips scanned in (after finishing two of them this weekend). It seems that when I slow down on the art cards, I produce comics again, and vice-versa. This is good to know. This is not interfering with my filling the pending commissions, it just means my brain is in a slightly different place.

Bad: while putting my scanner away after the labors were done, I dropped it. The lid has popped off, and my total lack of mechanical skill is so not getting it to go back on. So these may be strips I wind up selling, not out of "clean up the house"-ness, but because I need a new scanner. Again.

This basically explains why today has been grueling, because this is, in microcosm, my entire day.

I'm going to finish packing for Michigan, and go to bed, now.

Item: Saw the Clayton sleep/phobia dentist yesterday. I go back next Thursday for [purpose redacted on account of dental phobia girl cannot cope before noon]. I'll probably be seeing her office quite a bit over the months to come, as my fear of the dentist means I've never had a filling, and I need several. Everyone was very nice to me, and very understanding.

Item: My dentist is Dr. Mason. Perhaps I shall receive zombie teeth.

Item: I fly to Michigan on Tuesday, and will be back late Wednesday (before spending Thursday at the dentist). I am anticipating next week being just the best week ever. That was sarcasm.

Item: According to Kate and the guys from my comic book store, I'm King of the Lab. I don't mind being King of the Lab. I so very rarely win that particular accolade, and trust me, I managed to earn it this time. Nothing says "nerd" like tagging an alternate-universe version of an X-Man from two panels and a crossover that ended two years ago.

Item: Safeway has brought back APPLE WATER. Clearly, Safeway loves me and is a wonderful magic land filled with joy and the songs of angels.

Item: My ARCs (Advance Reviewer/Reader Copies) of Rosemary and Rue have arrived. There are physical copies of my physical book inside my physical house. I'm going to be giving a few away via contests and such in my professional blog, so if you wanted a shot at a sneak peak, you should meander over there.

Item: Zombies are love.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Since it's the Capricornian season of romance, I thought I'd give you some tips on how to thrive in the mysterious, paradoxical, crazy-making game of love. 1. Love shouldn't be a lottery, so don't gamble on unlikely odds. 2. Love shouldn't be a power struggle, so try to purge any unconscious yearnings you might have to control people you care for. 3. Love can't be a self-sustaining perpetual motion machine, so I hope you work on it at least as hard as you do at your job. 4. Love isn't an endless vacation in the promised land, but neither is it a wrestling match with a three-legged pit bull from hell, so don't you dare indulge in all-or-nothing fantasies.

Hey, wow, it's the Capricornian season of romance! Who knew? I didn't know. Nobody told me. Maybe I should've been wearing sexy clothes and haunting dark alleyways or something. Or wait...no, that's not right, either.

I'm slightly disappointed to learn that love isn't a wrestling match with a three-legged pit bull from hell. I was going to name him "Fluffy."

Don't be afraid of the pandemic flu;
Just take a few precautions, if you please.
There's plenty of things anybody can do,
Like covering your nose before you sneeze.

Please wash your hands with water and soap
Before you touch your dishes or your food.
Keeping things clean will help us to cope,
And careless virus vectors are just rude.

SPOKEN: "Viruses and bacteria are two different things. Antibacterial soap won't reduce your likelihood of catching the flu any more than plain soap, and may cause bacterial resistance. Stick with nice, plain soap."

( Water is good, you should drink it a lot... )

* Apparently, I have a buffer limit.
** Apparently, I have located my buffer limit.
*** If you've wondering why I've been so scarce lately, see above.

In other news, no, not dead, not insanely depressed* or wandering lost through the streets of San Francisco, not lost in a parallel dimension where the zombies have taken over and devoured each and every soul of the living, and not voluntarily wearing nylons. I'm just in the middle of a vast flurry of "things that must be done now now now," many of which are entirely mutually exclusive. Big fun!

(To give you an idea of how far behind I am, I'm still inking the strip that details the events of New Year's Eve. It's drawn, it's just not done...and yes, I realize that it's verging on the merry month of May. All the things that require my exclusive attention have been dog-piling one another, and the results are definitely not pretty.)

So, various statuses:

IRON POET. I'm currently doing word-groups from somewhere roughly halfway through the round, and will continue to slog slog slog through them as quickly as circumstances allow. This may wind up the last round, just for reasons of time. I may also decide that it's essential to my sanity, and start adding a disclaimer that says you'll get your poem when you damn well get your poem. I'm really not sure yet.

ART CARDS. I'm still trucking through the most recent batch of art card commissions. If I've replied to your statement of interest with a question, please, please, get back to me; I can't either take you off the list or start working on your card until we've discussed it, and having things languish on my to-do list drives me faintly batty. You don't want to drive me batty. I have Sharpies. I can do some damage.

NEW KITTEN. Alice is puffy, pretty, awesome, and MASSIVE. She's expanding at an exponential rate, and may soon start devouring cities and towns as she rampages across the nation seeking properly-sized catnip mice. Lilly seems genuinely pleased with this situation, since Alice is both young enough to be playful and large enough to play with properly. Also, Alice doesn't fight Lilly for ownership of my lap, being more than happy to curl up by my feet. Everybody say "awwwww."

CONVENTIONS. I'm putting together my set list for DucKon; I have my membership for WorldCon in Montreal; I have my professional admission for the San Diego Comic Convention; I have my memberships for both World Fantasy this year and next year's Melbourne WorldCon, aka, "Seanan finally goes to Australia." I feel very organized, and a little overwhelmed.

VELVETEEN. "Velveteen vs. Patrol" is currently in-process; it will be followed by "Velveteen vs. Blacklight vs. Sin-dee." There are at least four more stories planned after that, and as I told Kate this weekend, I do know where the end game is.

SWINE FLU. I didn't do it!

That's me. What's you?

(*In the past, LJ radio silence has often meant intense depression on my part. It doesn't this time, largely because I'm too damn tired to be depressed.)

Ten years ago, a friend of mine asked if she could bring a friend of hers to the amusement park. I said sure. I wore my flowered dress and a tie-dyed lab coat; basically my default attire in those days. She brought herself, and she brought her friend.

Enter Chris.

There's no sign that lights up and says "this person will be important to your life and essential to your sanity; hold to them, love them, care for them, and understand that your world is better for including them." Sometimes I think there ought to be. But since there's not, it was just a pleasant day with pleasant people, and I walked away from it with a new friend.

Since then, Chris has been my comfort and my confidant, my sanity-check and my occasional savior, and one of my best friends and favorite people on the planet. I would be lost without him.

Hey, darlin'? Happy anniversary.

...needs a dentist recommendation. Without going into any details that would freak me out, let's just say it's urgent. Here's what I need:

* A dentist in the Bay Area, accessible from Concord (whether via BART or bus; remember, I don't drive).
** Closer is better, as I'm going to be super-loopy after some of this.
** I have insurance, but it's still good if they take payment plans.
*** Concord/Pleasant Hill or Berkeley are preferred.

* A dentist in the Bay Area who specializes in DENTISTRY FOR THE TERRIFIED.
** I'm serious. The word "dentist" raises my blood pressure.
*** I am scared out of my mind.
*** For this reason, sleep dentistry is preferred.

* A dentist who listens. The last time I saw a dentist, he ignored my terror, jabbed a needle into a part of my mouth he didn't tell me he was in, and then yelled at me when I screamed. This is why I haven't been back, despite really, really needing to go.

I am so terrified by this process, I'm seriously tempted to fly to Wisconsin and just use Amy's dentist, who fits my criteria. So please. Any help is, well, helpful.

Help?

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): From an astrological point of view, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to start a band and record an album. Your creativity is waxing, your attunement with the right side of your brain is especially sweet, and you will benefit immensely from anything you do to become less of a spectator and more of a participant. To jumpstart the process, go to Wikipedia and click on "random article." That's the name of your band. Then go to en.wikiquote.org and click on "random page." The last few words of the last quote on that page will be your album's title. Finally, go to tinyurl.com/9ydjk and choose a photo to be your CD cover. Or, if you don't like what's there, click on the link for "Get more interesting photos for the last 7 days." (My band is Widemouth Blindcat, our album is "More Time for Dreaming," and our cover art is a spiral staircase from here: tinyurl.com/c89rt7.)

I think I'll skip the randomizing steps—my band's name is "my band," my next album's name is probably going to be Wicked Girls, and my album cover doesn't exist yet, since I like those to be done specifically for the album—but recording another album sounds like a pretty good idea right about now.

So pie-in-the-sky me. If I go back in the studio tomorrow, what do I record?

They call you lady of these woods; maybe you are.
They tell me I can only so far into the trees before
I must start walking out again.
And that is why I carry these sticks
In their bundle on my back.
When I reach the heart of the forest, from which
Every road leads only outwards,
I will build myself a house, and stay with you,
Until the end of ever after.

I don't know if this was intended to be the start of something longer, or just a little bit of short-and-sweet, but it was a nice surprise when all I was trying to find was a new pen.

(This is a very rare cross-post from my professional journal. Please be patient with me, I just want to make sure everybody sees it.)

So as most of you hopefully know by now (or will be delighted to discover), I'm about to be the Music Guest of Honor at DucKon 18. The convention is legal this year! It can now vote, get drafted, and buy cigarettes for my mother. DucKon will be happening in Naperville, Illinois, from June 12th through June 14th, and you should totally come. Why? Well, it's gonna be awesome, for one thing. I'm updating my appearances page as details are confirmed, but here are the things I can promise you:

1. I will be there.
2. My fantastic agent, Diana Fox, will be there, as the Agent Guest of Honor. Meet my personal superhero!
3. Tara O'Shea, who does my website's graphic design, will be there.
4. My concert will be OFF THE SCALE in AWESOME. Why? Why do I say this egotistical thing?

Because the DucKon Filk Fund allows their Music Guest of Honor to invite a guest of their very own, to help them with their concert. And I, just like the girl on America's Next Top Model who chooses to share her prize with the people who can help her look amazing, have selected Vixy and Tony. Yeah. ME AND VIXY AND TONY, LIVE IN CONCERT, IN THE MIDWEST, FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!!

Oh, and did I mention that Amy "The Fiddler" McNally will be there, too?

So here are two requests from me, if you would be so kind. First, take a look at the DucKon Filk Fund website, and see if there's anything there that catches your eye. They have some pretty spiffy stuff for sale, and some of it is totally not available anywhere else. Tell your friends. Help replenish the fund after they have so generously and wonderfully allowed me to bring two of my favorite people (and favorite performers) along for the ride.

Secondly, if you would be interested in being able to purchase a DVD of my DucKon concert, please take this DucKon survey indicating your willingness to acquire such a thing. The Filk Fund is willing to set up a pre-order system if there's enough interest, and just to make things a little more tempting, if...

...there is sufficient interest that they make pre-orders available...
...you pre-order...
...you comment on a post I will set up for this very purpose, telling me you've pre-ordered...

...I will include your name in a random drawing. The winner of this drawing will be emailed with the list of songs that we have prepared to play together, and allowed to pick a song. That song WILL be in the set list. So not only do you get the DVD, you know for sure that your favorite will be on there.

Thank you buckets.

Hello, and welcome to the seventh batch of poems written for round twelve of Iron Poet, the game where you give me three words and then go off to do something else while I slog through the roughly thirty thousand requests to give you a poem. Okay, not really, but sometimes it can feel that way. Please note that some rounds of Iron Poet can take a very long time to finish -- Iron Poet X ran from May 2006 to October 2007 -- so don't worry if your request seems to be taking a while; I get to them all eventually. It's just sometimes very eventual. I do poem round-ups every five to ten poems, to help keep people from missing anything.

Today's poems include:

* Eve for patoadam. (Rhymed free verse.)
* The Toy Soldier's Love Story for nightface. (Storybook rhyme.)
* Riddle of the Sphinx's Child for jadis17. (Rolling rhymed verse.)
* Song of Going for musique174. (Song form.)
* Polyamory for science_vixen. (Sonnet.)
* Moirae for olga_theodora. (Terza rima sonnet.)
* My Muse Gives Me for carmiel. (Free verse.)
* Linger for antigoneschase. (Blank verse.)
* Where the Foxes... for libraryraven. (Song form.)
* Masks for emberleo. (Sonnet.)

This round is CLOSED to new submissions. I'll be opening a new round...someday. When I finish the various other things I have pending, and my personal madness allows.

Ginger and silver and ebony dark;
Playground and tea house and swings in the park;
Waitress and princess and sailor at sea;
Nobody knows where the foxes will be.

Hidden and hiding and hide-and-go-seek;
Bold as a lion or office mouse-meek;
Typewriter-tethered, or open road-free;
Nobody knows where the foxes will be.

        So look for the foxholes wherever you are.
        Be certain the foxes are never that far.

( Physicists, waitresses, stay-at-home wives... )